Fake Indiana Jones & Fake Star Wars Movie Reviews
Back when I had my Blogspot blog I watched what I thought was going to be this version of King Solomon’s Mines (1985.) It was the version shot 35 years before this one. Despite disappointment, I soldiered through watching it and reviewed it. I had to procure this one from a friend of a friend. I sat down with my good friend and associate that I’ll call “Jason” and acquired some adult beverages and hunkered down for some holy rip offs of blockbust movies.
John Rhys-Davies shows up in the very first scene of KSM. He played Sala in two of the real Indiana Jones movies. The movies goes on and on as we continue to consume adult beverages. Apparently there’s Germans involved in this one, just WWI Germans… or were they Austrians… who cares? I didn’t.
As we continue watching this movie, my friend can only say what future movies rip this movie off:
1) Last Crusade
2) Ace Ventura 2: When Nature Calls
3) Congo
Words don’t really do justice, just watch this one if you want to see a parody that really tries to be serious. Oh yeah, at one point my friend said, “I would DO 1980s Sharon Stone!” However, about 20 minutes later when I started laughing at that again, he recanted like a Christian about to be fed to lions in a Roman coliseum.
This 1978 Italian movie (I think) rips off Star Wars (that I know.) I enjoyed this movie as it progressed, a side effect of adult beverages. My friend, on the other hand, he got angry with this movie at a point. He says the following quotes:
“Spaceballs was much better. It had John Candy in it; he’s fat AND funny!”
“When a neutron star goes off next to your spaceship, guess what: NEUTRON STAR WINS!”
“Just because you put a mask on a costume doesn’t make it a robot. It’s just a guy acting like a robot!”
“…but you’re in a spaceship… AND YOU BROKE THE GLASS!”
(About Caroline Munro in the 2nd and 3rd acts:) “Put back on the scantily clad outfit!”
I mean, these comments out of context might be funny. However, if you know of these comments, then you’ll be watching to see where they apply. It’s like a little game! The best fuck up of the entire movie was when the broad and the robot are on a desert planet and inspecting some wrecked spaceship. There’s just sand and a spaceship. Well, that doesn’t stop them from GETTING JUMPED. My friend was outraged yelling, “BUT THERE WAS NO WHERE FOR THEM TO POP OUT OF!” Maybe he just doesn’t understand cult movies that ripped off movies that were blockbusters with a cult following?
Finally, my favorite scenes involved the stop motion animation, and the entire battle scene where the good guys keep torpedo-ing two men at a time in to the bad guy spaceship. Did I mention David Hasslehoff shows up a lot from the late 2nd act onward? He does, and he has lasers!
Huh, I wonder what they’re ripping off here:
Shout out to the Shout Factory. Thanks?
Anyway, check out the trailers, I’ll post them in two days time: Thursday.
